Dear friends and loved ones,
Anticipating a packed agenda in the weeks leading up to Christmas, for the first time ever I begin to write this letter while it’s still only November (albeit the last weekend in November). Whether this means I am just better at prioritizing and planning ahead or I simply need more time to write, I will let you decide:)
Let me begin with a warm Nigerian greeting. How far? Wétin dey? That’s, how are you? What’s up? in Pidgin English, Nigeria’s unofficial lingua franca. One of the things we have most appreciated about Nigeria, is the warmth and importance of a greeting. No matter who you meet, from a passerby asking for directions, to a VIP, they will always spend a few moments saying hello, asking how was your day (and night- which by the way is completely innocent) and often complimenting you on your dress, your smile, or your hair style. (Talking about hair, Indian hair is apparently quite in demand this side of the world and I have been approached by Nigerian friends and strangers alike to sell them my hair, but that's a story for another time).
So 2018...what was it like for us? Well, the first words that come to mind are ‘action packed’. Between housework, homework, work, social life and after school clubs, ( and the fact that we always seemed to be baking), it did feel like the weeks were always rushing. And as those weeks flew by, the kids grew another year older. They began to spend more time in their rooms (with the door shut), our conversations often turned into debates that got very interesting and we realized that their innocent childhoods are fast receding. They are indeed growing too fast.
‘Growing too fast’, a phrase
that is both so totally true and false at the same time, because often in the
day to day of things, nothing seems fast at all. Those meal times when
everything spills, and everybody is fussy, can drag and seem like an eternity;
and when sullen moods or snarky brassiness take over an ordinary day, those moments can seem tedious and unending. But the good days, they rush by and we
find ourselves desperate to savor those memories and the warm afterglow of
parental love, pride and joy.
In spite of them ‘growing too
fast’, surprisingly there is not much to report as the milestones now are fewer
and more far between. Ah, yes! the kids, they did successfully get through
their first year in an American curriculum school. Phew! While we will still
shamelessly and without doubt pledge allegiance to the British system, the
school has grown on all of us and we do appreciate the friends, fab teachers
and the encouragement the kids have had, to take initiative and shine.
Another highlight is that
Neeira (13) and Liraya(9) have gotten a little more excited about sports this
year. They discovered and seem to be enjoying Volleyball, Taekwondo and Tennis
(much to Gerard’s utter delight). They also both on their own initiative stood
for and won student council posts and have done exceedingly well at it.
As for Ryeika (15), she is
still as spirited as ever. Despite a torn ligament over the summer, (which is
only just healed and hence has kept her off all sports), she has been up, about,
smiling and an active helper at every school activity. Her artistic talents
have really blossomed this year and it looks like we have another ingenious
artist in the making.
Arhantika (19), has ENJOYED her
first year in Cardiff and absolutely believes that she is in the right
place, at the right time, doing the right thing. Most of you know, that she won
second place (from among 80,000 entries) for her photograph “Lungotevere’ in
the CBRE Urban photographer of the year- youth category and will be featured in
the CBRE Coffee Table book 2018. Her photography is evolving. You can check out her work on instagram @Arhantikarebello. For this and much more we continue to be so
very proud. She has battled the weather blues that comes with living in the UK
and has handled university life ups and downs with ease. She has proven herself
to be the independent, strong woman we always envisioned her to be.
Another big highlight is that
Neeira and Gerard got over their big fear of dogs. Taliya (meaning pasta in Hausa)came into our lives at the end of last year and for the first few weeks Neeira
threatened to file for emancipation because we had brought a dog into the
house. But Taliya won everyone over and today Neeira spoils her the most,
Gerard allows her on our bed and both will even clean after her. Taliya has
truly worked some magic. She also gave us a few scary moments, when she
'swallowed' a sock that blocked 6 inches of her intestine. But a surgery and a
lot of TLC later she was up and running about quite soon. Of course, we now
have a no tolerance policy towards socks in our house. They can be worn, but
never seen. As you can imagine that complicates our life just a tad, but all in
all worth it , don't you think?
For Gerard and me life goes on
as usual. I published a short memoir, ‘A Little Girl’s Dream’ earlier this
year; a big life goal for me. If you still haven’t read it, it’s on Amazon.
Otherwise, all in all Gerard
and I enjoy our little corner of Nigeria and the friends we have made. In
many ways it's idyllic. We don’t battle traffic, weekends are usually lazy, and
our household chores are at a minimum thanks to the excellent help we get here.
And yet, many days idyllic isn’t enough and we yearn to stretch out and break
free of the bubble we are in. We are in our forties and have been quite lucky
to have already had quite some enriching opportunities and life experiences.
Now we look ahead to the next 40, and we wonder what now? We seem to
constantly be on a quest to find activities or experiences that sustain our souls, avoid
stagnation, make us feel energized. We ask ourselves ‘What life goals can we
reach for, if most of them have been achieved’? We are still searching for
answers.
In the meantime, in our
continued pursuit for adventure, we did invest in some remarkable holidays this
year. As always, we visited incredible India and spent precious time with
family and friends. We also swam in the dead sea, visited Jesus’s baptism site
on the river Jordan, rode camels in Petra, ate rice paper spring rolls by the
dozen in Hanoi’s old quarter, sailed in Halong Bay and mingled with our very
own crazy rich Asians in enchanting Singapore. The Singapore trip requires a
special mention as the highlight was a reunion with Gerard's friends from a lifetime
ago. As stories were retold and laughter resounded, we visited memories from
those glory days of youth. Our kids bonded. They had sleepovers, explored
Singapore together and laid the foundation for their own friendships. We
left Singapore, our hearts smiling.
Elsewhere though, so much is
not quite right and it’s hard not be dispirited by the world’s grief, or
daunted to see those who resist it, denounced, victimized and execrated. In our
own country the mixing of religion and politics has created a deadly potion of
poison that is threatening the very secularism that is the core of our nation.
Yet, in spite of all the mayhem, this year more than ever, we have also seen
courage like never before. Emma Gonzalez and her band of young brave gun control activists, the more than 150 survivors of sexual abuse who spoke at Larry Nassar's sentencing, all the women who came forward saying #MeToo and #TimesUp are just a few who particularly touched and
inspired our family. If our future is in the hands of young adults like these,
we should have no fear. What seems like a hopeless swamp, can indeed be built
up by kids like these, into a world that is fair, that is free, that is
desired. It is possible, it can be real.
The other day one of those
viral posts caught my attention. It was a letter from a mother to a daughter
who had asked ‘Is Santa real?’. The mother begins by explaining that though it
is the parents who buy, wrap and put the gifts under the tree, they are not
Santa. Santa, she says is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on
longer than any of us have lived. She tells her daughter that what he does is
simple, but powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they
can’t see or touch.
Throughout our life, we need
this capacity to believe: in ourselves, in our friends, in our talents and in
our families. We need to believe in things we can’t measure or even hold in our
hand. We need to have faith. We need to believe in miracles and in powers that
will light our life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest
moments.
This is our wish for you this
Christmas...that you may always believe and that you might always have faith. May you never lose hope, and may you always find strength from the forces of love,
magic, hope and happiness that are sometime obscure and often invisible. Each
of us have our own stories; each of us are waiting for our own miracles. May
the very spirit of Christmas which in itself is intangible and impalpable bring
on those miracles, fill our souls and make us fearless in the pursuit of what
makes us happy.As we would say here in Nigeria, may 2019 be a year of "No wahala" (no troubles). We treasure your friendship and love. Thank you for being part of our story.
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