Two years are up and I have been trying to write a blog on the end of what we call our 'India Experience' but I seem to be having a major case of writers block. There is so much to be said, but for some reason the words are stuck in some inner recess of my brain. Is it because perhaps I am reluctant to say goodbye and putting my thoughts down will actually mean the end of two incredibly amazing and yet agonizing years. But this must be done today, now. I must somehow tease and cajole the words out, because as time passes and I get caught up with life in the Eternal City, those words may just dry up and believe me I really need to sing my swan song as a long distance wife.
I used the words amazing and agonizing and yes they are completely contradictory, but no two words can better describe our two years in India. Amazing because the experience was everything and more than what we expected and agonizing because simply put, the days without Gerard were...just that. But in spite of missing him desperately we pulled through cheerfully and at the end of two years, I can honestly say I loved being back home.
To wake up every morning and take a deep breadth of what I can only describe as air that felt like home was just one of the many reasons I got through each day. After being away twelve years there is so much you have missed and I am glad to say I possibly did, eat and go everywhere that I wanted to. School reunions, university reunions, family reunions, it all happened. My soul was satiated. I Bangalored myself to the fullest. And thanks to my dear friend Digu, who among many other things, made sure I ate at every possible food joint in Bangalore, I truly experienced all I wanted and made up for all the years of being away.
Living as we did in Bangalore was easy. All the conveniences were at our doorstep and we never fell victim to the trials of the common man. Nevertheless I was very aware of it flirting at the boundaries of our life. And of course the media always made sure we were always very well informed. I was particularly saddened at the stories of rapes, sexual atrocities and the general disrespect for women that flooded the news. But saying that I must also say that in many ways Bangalore inspired me. The city gave off a vibe that spoke of hope, of dreams, of ambitions fulfilled. Here were a people who took time to make a difference, who had the courage to try and change things, who had the guts to leave cushy jobs and live their dreams. They believed that however slow it maybe, they had to try and make a positive change to their country. My sincere hope is that this will only gain more momentum and that over time a revolution in ideology of this band of believers will force the corrupt, the bigots, the misogynists, the zealots and the complacents into exile.
Life as a long distance wife and temporarily single mum was easier than I thought and though there were many days when I felt like throwing in the towel, for the most part I learnt to stay one step ahead and deal with the argumentative, challenging teenager; the tantrums, the fears, the complications and everything else that comes with parenting four amazing kids, with relative ease. (Of course there is a good chance that if you ask the kids they will relate these two years to mum 'screaming A LOT').
Gerard was a great long distance dad and went the extra mile to make sure the kids felt his presence. As a couple we have always been strong and the fact that we saw him often and spoke many times a day, helped us survive! We thank God for keeping him safe.
All in all though, we girls had fun. I learn't that there is nothing I cannot do, just because dad is not around. We had some great trips, just us girls, and these are memories we will always treasure. We are stronger, closer, more resilient, more patient and have more faith. Most importantly we now know that even if we are separate, what makes a family is love; and though life may sometimes take one far away, there are ways to remain close and keep the family unit intact and happy.
I will miss you Bangalore. I will miss the noise, the color, the biryani, the filter coffee, my parents, the brunches, the dosas, the Indian Chinese, after work drinks with the Jigsaw gang, Lake Vista, the new friends we made and the old friends we re connected with. I will miss the sense of independence and security you get when you live in your own country ( and only those who have lived away will understand what I mean). I am glad my kids got to know you and love you. They are now more Indian then they ever were and that's really all we were hoping for when we made that decision to do this two year stint.
So, as we start another chapter in our lives, we find ourselves back among the cobbled streets, the magnificent architecture and the warmth of the people of Rome. I happily sign off as long distance wife and single mom. In fact I am officially on a hiatus and am off all active parenting duty for some time to come:) For now I am back to being just a global nomad.
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